Inclusion is a promise we can’t keep when our people don’t feel safe. This includes our people who happen to be white and male. Safety is a fundamental human need, and as such it underlies other realities like privilege and position power. Even executives (especially executives!) want to avoid being the nail that sticks up and gets pounded.

Why don’t white male leaders feel safe with diversity and inclusion work? As we seek an answer, let’s remember the vital distinction between a generalization and a stereotype:

• Generalization – A useful but imprecise statement about widely observable tendencies among a group of people - What follows are observations about what I believe are generally observable tendencies among white men in leadership jobs.
• Stereotype – Applying a generalization with bias to an individual - So my thoughts may or may not apply to you individually as a white man who leads, or to each of your white male colleagues.
That said, why might safety be an issue for most of us as white men, with regard to diversity and inclusion (D&I)?

Consider six possible causes:

1. We may be Pre-Aware: we don’t know what we don’t know.

No leader likes surprises – the unexpected isn’t in the project plan, and we don’t have budget for it. Consequently, many white men with position power have learned to deflect diversity as the narrow concern of the “different”; that is, folks different from us. We may try to distance ourselves from diversity (“what I don’t know won’t hurt me”); we may refuse to wrestle with the business case for inclusion; we may try to skate by on diversity until retirement. Intriguingly, we fuel our own risk, if our lack of teachability is seen by colleagues and customers as purposeful neglect rather than simple ignorance. White guys need to include ourselves in Inclusion.
One solution: Define diversity-related Competencies as actual leadership behaviors that drive success to goals. Ironically, when indicators of diversity competence stay mired at the awareness level, Pre-Awareness often results. My company has developed a tool called the Diversity-Related Performance Objective to apply learning to performance.

2. Fear is the response to perceived risk as well as actual exclusion.

Many white men want to avoid the verbal mistakes that drop us in hot water, so we clam up to pre-empt the scalding. We may not see the office as a safe place where we can learn to lead on diversity.

One solution: Train extensively on Intent-Impact in communication, to improve efficacy among white men and everyone else in respectful and effective communication. For example, see Greatheart’s course on Trust Powered Leadership at http://www.greatheartleaderlabs.com/training.html

3. Diversity’s brand among many white men is an invitation to emotional intelligence – and a distraction from task.

My research over the years indicates that many white men recognize the value of strong and diverse relationships to our leadership work. So it can be a fearsome career moment to realize that our diverse colleagues know so much more about diversity than we do. We’re generally learning from the back of the pack when it comes to relational savvy, and that doesn’t feel safe.

Additionally, my research shows that many of us aren’t clear about the actual business value of investing in diversity and inclusion, or how D&I will drive our personal success as leaders. As men we tend to focus on action, and the invitation to build relationships may strike us as a noble aspiration that can inhibit getting the job done. It’s scary to risk losing our grip on successful behavior (an orientation to task) for the sake of an inscrutable benefit (building diverse relationships).

One solution: Clarify and discuss the career advantage for white men in leading on diversity and inclusion. For a tool to help, go to:
http://www.diversity-executive.com/article.php?article=742

4. We may not understand how unsafe others feel.

Years ago my mother and my wife took it upon themselves to teach me about the physical risk that many women feel every day. These two are very powerful people, and they’ve educated me about what it means to live in a world with us men, on the streets, in the parking garages, on the elevators. Since then, my learning has deepened: colleagues of color dealing with white doubt about their qualifications, gay and lesbian friends getting their cars serviced before a road trip for fear of violence against them in a rural area, clients from other countries facing hostility due to their accented English. This awareness that human differences also put others at risk has helped me keep the safety issues I feel as a white man in perspective.

One solution: Train people for crucial conversations that take safety into account. Vital Smarts has an approach that does just this: see http://www.vitalsmarts.com/crucialconversations_book.aspx

And here’s a recent TIME column on violence against women in the military to fuel the conversation:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1968110,00.html

5.  We don’t feel safe because we or other white men have been attacked or excluded for making a mistake, or for just being white guys.

The blame and shame game isn’t over. White people are sometimes castigated as racist just because we have white skin and say what we really think or say something stupid; men may be at a disadvantage on teams largely composed of women; white men may be excluded by development programs in which executives get extra credit for mentoring ‘diverse’ employees. As white guys we aren’t the only perpetrators of bias, prejudice, and discrimination. Our diverse colleagues need to own up to their own stuff, and we need to see them holding other people of color and women accountable for misbehavior and cynicism toward white men.

One solution: Straightforward conversation that operates with the discipline of respect. As leaders we require both respect and candor to be fully functioning – respect without candor delivers harmony at the expense of honesty, and candor without respect damages relationships. See my blog at:
http://www.greatheartleaderlabs.com/blog/2009/09/30/the-discipline-of-respect/

6. White men may not feel safe with diversity and inclusion because power is used in the organization in ways that put everyone at risk.

Safety suffers when power is misused and abused. If, for example, leaders commonly use their power of position to coerce and punish, then the culture suffers a safety deficit. Such companies (or business units, offices, or teams) stifle a healthy engagement with diversity and inclusion – in such a context, human differences are expected to bring danger. High-performing conflict is not an option. White guys don’t feel safe because they aren’t safe; no one is.

One solution: In addition to transforming the culture through excellent work in organizational development, here’s a way that white men can lead on power from the inside out. Be the change you want to see in the company, by auditing your own approach to the uses of the power you possess. Contact me and I’ll send you a tool called “Unpack Your Power”.

In Closing

Inclusion requires safety. As white men, we will learn and live and lead on diversity and inclusion only when such relational security includes us. The organization is responsible for such an environment, and our diverse colleagues share in building safe relationships. And we must include ourselves.

As white men who lead, we must acknowledge our need for safety, and find the courage to build a work environment where we can learn to lead on diversity and inclusion.  We should also hold ourselves accountable for ensuring that the safety we need extends to every colleague and customer who walks in the door.

It’s a powerful image for three reasons.

First, it is a radical reality to see a black family with a black President at the locus of political power on this Earth: the sunburst carpet in the Oval Office. Truly there are some new things under the sun: no previous generation of Americans saw what we see here.

Second, the President’s willingness to play speaks to the way he metabolizes his own considerable position power. If we, as leaders, are willing to extend ourselves in humility toward our followers, the likelihood of their following skyrockets. Are we willing to connect with those we lead like Mr. Obama does here?

Third, the youngest son of the Philadelphia family shows such courage in his request. And there’s something else here: he’s verifying similarity. It matters to us that we are “like some others” - our affinity in groups shapes our identity. To lead on diversity and inclusion, we must make peace with cultural identity. It’s core to being human. Of course, we’re also alike in universal ways, and we’re unique individuals at the same time.

Each one of us is:
Like all others.
Like some others.
Like no other.

And as a white man who leads for a living, I feel profoundly included in this photograph: that’s the America I identify with.

What would a picture of your leadership look like?

The history of our nation is our meta-story, the tale of our family’s context, our community’s ecosystem. While a lot of great diversity and inclusion work in the U.S. has focused on the differences among Americans, the international economy calls all of Earth’s citizens to own the legacies we carry from the country from which we hail.

For example:

• I had the amazing opportunity to lead a refugee resettlement program in California for five years. Living and working among survivors from Cambodia and Vietnam taught me about their cultural stories, and it was humbling and exciting to watch them become Americans and join the story of my own nation, which I had previously taken for granted. We can learn a lot as we live and lead among immigrants.

• A friend with deep experience in the Peace Corps once told me this tale: she led a group of twenty Americans, evenly split among black and white folks, for a month-long project in Ghana. The black Americans expected a ‘roots’ experience, anticipating similarity with their African hosts. Instead, they mostly encountered cultural difference with African people, and were shocked to find deep cultural similarity with their white American peers. Nationality was at work; the meaning of differences like race within our country can transform beyond our borders. We are connected by a heritage that, in part, shows our divisions.

• As we celebrate Veteran’s Day, we should remember that a powerful expression of commitment to nation is service in a nation’s military. When a person puts their life on the line for their country, such a commitment shapes who they are for the rest of their lives. When we lead with nationality in mind, we need to remember this link to military service.

Those leading across international boundaries should do so with confidence in their own nation’s story, and with a teachable temperament toward the other nation’s culture. We will lead more effectively when we understand our own nationality, and respect the national legacies of our colleagues and customers.

Fox News commentator Glenn Beck can unequivocally assert that President Obama “has a deep-seated hatred for white people”, and then equivocate in stating that he doesn’t actually think that Mr. Obama “doesn’t like white people.” Even if we dismiss the thoughts Mr. Beck is leading us toward, we can admit that the talking head commentators are entertaining. But they are not accountable for results beyond ratings, or to relationships outside their own inner circle.

I’m equally certain that you and I would corrode employee engagement and drive away talent if we led with Glenn Beck’s loose lips and mental laxity.

I’m also certain that there’s a lesson for leaders as we observe both conservative and progressive thought leaders. It’s a case study in the role of certainty in leadership work. How should we lead with certainty?

For leaders, certainty has three facets:

1) Certainty is about what you know and believe.

Rev. Al Sharpton and Rush Limbaugh advocate with crystalline clarity for what they know and believe to be true. We, too, should lead from absolute clarity about our values, our expertise, and our expectations for our direct reports. Such a leadership point of view motivates others to follow our authentic leadership.

2) Certainty is about the degree of confidence you apply to what you know and believe.

Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi speak from opposing beliefs, but they both show a deep confidence in their respective paradigms. They share a deep certitude. We, too, should forthrightly express our certitude of belief as we lead others. This is about leading confidently from the inside out.

3) Certainty is about the way you bring what you know and believe to your
relationships of influence.

Here’s where the case study turns rich. Beck, Sharpton, Limbaugh and Palin (for now) are thought leaders, so they can spout their certainties without accountability for outcomes beyond talk.

But Speaker Pelosi, like you, holds a real leadership job.
• She must manage her beliefs and knowledge to achieve results through working with people (a simple definition of the leader’s work).
• Like you, she must calibrate when to push with certainty, and when to pull others to contribute from their knowledge and beliefs.
• Like you, she is accountable for building and maintaining relationships, so she can stay in the game and have the chance to lead again tomorrow. This requires mutual respect, straight talk that honors those with conflicting opinions, and being open to the influence of others. This is especially intriguing for Ms. Pelosi, as social expectations are narrower for the way women lead with certainty.
• And like you, Speaker Pelosi’s performance will be evaluated by the results she delivers.

How do you lead with certainty? How does the strength of your certitude animate your leadership? How do you leave room for the certainties of your colleagues, customers and constituents?

I’m certain of one more thing: when those of us who are white men lead with effective certainty, it will be easier for our diverse colleagues to follow us. And to lead us from their own certainty.

With disrespect a growing pandemic among many political leaders, maybe it’s time for all of us who lead for a living to dig into the DNA of respect. What is respect? Why does it matter to great leaders? And why is the discipline of respect so critical to leading effectively among diverse colleagues and customers?

Simply put, respect shows up as deferential regard. It is evidenced in esteem for the people reporting to us, valuing their contribution, honoring their potential. Respect considers and appreciates our customers. Respect is the heart of inclusion.

When we, as leaders, consistently and intentionally demonstrate respect, we set up a contagious success. If I’m confident that my boss knows who I am and what I can deliver, I’m much more likely to give her everything I’ve got. And when I make a mistake, I take her corrective feedback to heart, because I know she values my character and performance.

The discipline of respect may seem like a ‘soft skill’ until things get hard: high-performing employees flee when they encounter contempt, conflict festers and corrodes team performance, and productivity slips when leaders fail to recognize and reward folks. Sales revenues decline when our customer’s needs are disregarded.

Fortunately, when dimensions of diversity are on the table, the discipline of respect deals us a winning hand. For example, when I learn, as a white male leader, to carefully tune into each of my reports with due regard for their integrity, skill, and distinguishing traits, they step up. They’re engaged, committed, ready to bring their skills to fuel everyone’s excellence. To have followers like that is a winning proposition – and diversity becomes a measurable asset.

Alternatively, everyone loses if:
• employees see their manager consistently prioritize task over relationship,
• diversity is ignored or exaggerated, or
• the boss simply fails to find the time to acknowledge direct reports.
In a low-respect environment, human differences more often devolve into conflict. And then talent leaves. The origins of a 2012 retention crisis take root in 2010.

The good news is … we have a choice. We can seek to lead with the discipline of respect, and equip our team to deliver stellar results. We will lead successfully among diverse colleagues and customers, as we deepen our competence in honoring them.

May the sun shine warmly through your regard for the people you lead.

Our nation is in trouble when civil dialogue breaks down, when every difference of opinion turns into a fight. We’re in trouble when diversity drives us underground, when we go quiet and flee behind closed minds and doors. And America is in trouble when we start to fear 100% inclusion – I honestly believe we’ve arrived at a time when it is dangerous for all of us when white guys feel excluded and disengage from constructive change.

Why is fear so powerful and prevalent?

First, it’s an ancient and wired-in survival mechanism – when we feel threatened, our bodies gear up to fight or flee. Second, actual loss or the expectation of loss evokes a powerful emotional response in us. Third, in times of financial turmoil, we’re less certain of our well-being, so we respond with anxiety. And fourth, demographic change comes hard: it’s a fearsome process for a racial majority (those of us who are white, that is) to accept a future when everyone will be in the minority.

I don’t’ see fear dissipating anytime soon – it has too much social and psychological momentum. For those of us in leadership jobs, we simply cannot lead from a place of fear. We have to find our way through it. What to do? Three ideas.

• Acknowledge fear, your own and other’s. We can’t wish fear away, or pretend it’s not percolating in us and in our organizations. We need to identify actual risks and perceived dangers. We should anticipate and respond to such apprehensions as part of our change management and diversity work.

• We can also build conversational skills to handle tough discussions with respect and candor. Train your colleagues to lean into controversy, confident in their conflict resolution skills. Hold folks accountable for behaving with respect and candor.

• Finally, sell out to safety. Apply your people smarts and organizational savvy, and deliver on these promises at work: that colleagues can bring their whole selves to the job every day, that they can believe what they want, and that they can say what they really think. And then make sure everyone keeps these promises, together. That’s a powerful cure for fear.

Let fear become a fuel for leading on diversity. Trust will grow, and fear will dissipate.