With disrespect a growing pandemic among many political leaders, maybe it’s time for all of us who lead for a living to dig into the DNA of respect. What is respect? Why does it matter to great leaders? And why is the discipline of respect so critical to leading effectively among diverse colleagues and customers?

Simply put, respect shows up as deferential regard. It is evidenced in esteem for the people reporting to us, valuing their contribution, honoring their potential. Respect considers and appreciates our customers. Respect is the heart of inclusion.

When we, as leaders, consistently and intentionally demonstrate respect, we set up a contagious success. If I’m confident that my boss knows who I am and what I can deliver, I’m much more likely to give her everything I’ve got. And when I make a mistake, I take her corrective feedback to heart, because I know she values my character and performance.

The discipline of respect may seem like a ‘soft skill’ until things get hard: high-performing employees flee when they encounter contempt, conflict festers and corrodes team performance, and productivity slips when leaders fail to recognize and reward folks. Sales revenues decline when our customer’s needs are disregarded.

Fortunately, when dimensions of diversity are on the table, the discipline of respect deals us a winning hand. For example, when I learn, as a white male leader, to carefully tune into each of my reports with due regard for their integrity, skill, and distinguishing traits, they step up. They’re engaged, committed, ready to bring their skills to fuel everyone’s excellence. To have followers like that is a winning proposition – and diversity becomes a measurable asset.

Alternatively, everyone loses if:
• employees see their manager consistently prioritize task over relationship,
• diversity is ignored or exaggerated, or
• the boss simply fails to find the time to acknowledge direct reports.
In a low-respect environment, human differences more often devolve into conflict. And then talent leaves. The origins of a 2012 retention crisis take root in 2010.

The good news is … we have a choice. We can seek to lead with the discipline of respect, and equip our team to deliver stellar results. We will lead successfully among diverse colleagues and customers, as we deepen our competence in honoring them.

May the sun shine warmly through your regard for the people you lead.

Our nation is in trouble when civil dialogue breaks down, when every difference of opinion turns into a fight. We’re in trouble when diversity drives us underground, when we go quiet and flee behind closed minds and doors. And America is in trouble when we start to fear 100% inclusion – I honestly believe we’ve arrived at a time when it is dangerous for all of us when white guys feel excluded and disengage from constructive change.

Why is fear so powerful and prevalent?

First, it’s an ancient and wired-in survival mechanism – when we feel threatened, our bodies gear up to fight or flee. Second, actual loss or the expectation of loss evokes a powerful emotional response in us. Third, in times of financial turmoil, we’re less certain of our well-being, so we respond with anxiety. And fourth, demographic change comes hard: it’s a fearsome process for a racial majority (those of us who are white, that is) to accept a future when everyone will be in the minority.

I don’t’ see fear dissipating anytime soon – it has too much social and psychological momentum. For those of us in leadership jobs, we simply cannot lead from a place of fear. We have to find our way through it. What to do? Three ideas.

• Acknowledge fear, your own and other’s. We can’t wish fear away, or pretend it’s not percolating in us and in our organizations. We need to identify actual risks and perceived dangers. We should anticipate and respond to such apprehensions as part of our change management and diversity work.

• We can also build conversational skills to handle tough discussions with respect and candor. Train your colleagues to lean into controversy, confident in their conflict resolution skills. Hold folks accountable for behaving with respect and candor.

• Finally, sell out to safety. Apply your people smarts and organizational savvy, and deliver on these promises at work: that colleagues can bring their whole selves to the job every day, that they can believe what they want, and that they can say what they really think. And then make sure everyone keeps these promises, together. That’s a powerful cure for fear.

Let fear become a fuel for leading on diversity. Trust will grow, and fear will dissipate.